“To feel better, women talk about past problems, future problems,
potential problems, even problems that have no solutions. The more
talk and exploration, the better they feel. This is the way women operate.
To expect otherwise is to deny a woman her sense of self.”
“Just as a glass of water can be viewed as half full or half empty, when a
woman is on her way up she feels the fullness of her life. On the way down
she sees the emptiness. Whatever emptiness she overlooks on the way up
comes more into focus when she is on her way down into her well.”
“In Chuck’s mind, the more money he made at work, the less he
needed to do at home to fulfill his wife. He thought his hefty paycheck
at the end of the month scored him at least thirty points. When he
opened his own clinic and doubled his income, he assumed he was
now scoring sixty points a month. He had no idea that his paycheck
earned him only one point each month with Pam—no matter how big
it was.”

Men Are from Mars in brief



❖ The golden key to better relationships is the acceptance of differences.
In our parents’ day everyone accepted that men and women
were different, but the culture changed to the other extreme of there
being no differences.
❖ A woman aims to improve a man, but a man only wants acceptance.
Her unsolicited advice is never welcomed, being interpreted as negative
criticism. Rather than presenting a problem to a man, which is
often taken to mean that he is the problem, a man should be
approached as if he may embody the solution. Men are focused on
their competence and if they cannot solve problems they feel as if
they are wasting their time. Women, on the other hand, actually like
to discuss problems even without a solution in sight, because it gives
them the all-important chance to express their feelings.
❖ Women are like waves, rising to peaks, falling into troughs, then
back up again. Men must know that the trough time is when
women need men most. If he is supportive and does not try to get
the woman out of the trough immediately, she feels validated. In
order to be motivated a man must feel needed—but a woman must
feel cherished.
❖ Men alternate between the need for intimacy and the need for distance.
Men’s going away into their “cave” is not a conscious decision
but is instinctive. Women who don’t know about the need for
the cave and seek constant intimacy will see relationship turmoil.
Like a rubber band, a man needs to stretch—but will usually spring
back.
❖ Arguments quickly descend into hurt feelings about the way a point
is being made, rather than its content. It is the uncaring sound of the
point being made that is upsetting. Men do not see how much their
comments hurt and provoke, because they focus on “the point.”

Most arguments start because a woman expresses a worry over
something and the man tells her that it is not worth worrying about.
This invalidates her and she gets upset with him. He then gets mad
because she seems to be getting angry at him for nothing. He will
not say sorry for something he believes he has not done, so the initial
argument goes into cruise control for hours or days.
❖ Men will argue because they do not feel trusted, admired, or encouraged
and are not spoken to with a tone of trust and acceptance.
Women will argue because they are not listened to or put high on a
man’s list of priorities.